Losing a Friend..

I know not what remains
Between u and me..
That wonderful bond we had
Those wonderful memories we shared..
I do not know where I slipped
And went astray.
I do not know what I did
To push u so far away..

At times I have wondered
If i tried too hard,
At times I have thought
I'm trying to make something
Of nothing at all.

I have seen miserable days,
Not hearing from u..
Lived through dark and bleak days,
Not knowing how u are..

I tried too hard,
I gave my all
And in the end
It didnt matter at all
What I thought we had,
Was over before
I had a chance to say goodbye..

4th November, 2007

I remember the accident.
Thinking about the day
Sends shivers up my spine.
Each second, is etched into my memory
Like the light of day I remember...
It took just one wrong step,
It just lasted an instant,
Pain swallowed me whole
Fear filled me up
I almost wept.
The ER confirmed it,
My worst fears were true..
I had torn a ligament.
I had busted my knee
My life hasnt been the same since.
I cant climb the stairs.
I cant play any sports,
I cant even walk properly.
Sometimes I get real sad,
It makes me weep.
It makes me mad.
Another year to get back on my feet,
somehow i'll survive..
Sympathy from strangers,
A lil help from friends,
Has carried me so far.
The journey to recovery is
Slow and long.
I dream of the day
When I can run again....

Its been a month since I tore a ligament in my knee playing football. One long and tough month just coping with the injury. It took me to the depths of sadness at times. A real tough ride it has been so far. At least another 8 months to go before I can think about running again. :((

Life can be tough at times.
Who knows what might happen next.
All we can do and need to do, is keep living.

A walk to the Outside

A walk to the outside. A place high above.
Time has no meaning there.
I wander outside
I dream of the places we
Made our own, times we made our own.
We were immortal.
Thoughts ride, branch, end.
I snap back to reality.
The commercial break is still on
I wonder how long has passed.
Time has no meaning there,
In our place far far away..

Frustu

I had apparently written this when I was really frustrated a long time ago.

Customer satisfaction should be your biggest goal.
Repeat business is the key.
Take ownership of your projects.
Plan, work hard, finish certifications, go that extra mile, slog if needed, slog anyways.
Could you work this weekend? Could you be on call this weekend? Could you be on support for sometime?
You'll be given an OD for your efforts.
Any issues dont hesitate to ask.
You'll be suitably rewarded, your efforts will be noticed.

Sigh. Havent we heard all this before.

Memories...

Those times we shared, and
All the non stop laughs we had.
Memories forever...

My friend replied..

I wish time could just
turn back once. I would relive
all those days of joy.

The Twilight Zone

A canvas
Painted on the horizon
With the colours of life.
So many thoughts,
And no words to describe them.
So many visions,
Not enough words to portray them.
So many colours,
Dont have any names for them.
Sounds fill up around me.
The words of people,
The rhythm of music,
The sighs of nature.
She talks to me.
Through the tiny crickets,
Through the whistling wind.
The Twilight Zone,
Where I find evening in the middle of the night.
Where I find home away from all the maddenin sights..

-- 26 Sep, 1145 pm

Flying away..

It was time to leave finally. All that waiting had finally come to an end. All those dreams were finally becoming a reality. It was time to leave
Mysore was my home. Leaving Mysore made me very sad. I knew i was going to miss this place. The calm peaceful atmosphere was something that I loved about my home. I was going to miss this place.
The drives in the night, to places we called our own, to places we felt we belonged, with friends who'd be there all life long. it seems like an instant, it seems like an eternity. The time of my life passes by behind me.
I start another chapter, i dont know what it holds for me. A new place, a new country.
Things might not change. I'll still trip, i ll still have a blast. Thats what living is.

I had written this just before i left for the US more than a month and a half back. Never did feel like adding it to my blog. Guess its high time i start writing here again.

Another day in cubicle paradise

Just another day in cubicle paradise...

Thats the title of a Dilbert book i purchased recently. Nothing mirrors our lives so perfectly as Dilbert does. The boredom, the monotony and the various other "small details" about office life Scott Adams has so beautifully portrayed through dilbert. The best one I like is the one where Dilbert gets his mum to his cubicle. And the first thing she asks him on seeing his cubicle is, "You did attend college right???"

There was a show coming on Travel and Living last night. Something called Faking it. and yesterday they had picked an IT guy just like all of us. He describes his day thus, sitting in one place for 8 hours, starting at the screen and his only exercise being the walks to the restroom and other such small breaks!

Boom!!! I can see myself doing that day in and day out! Get here, check mail, call the dudes at onsite, get work for the day, do the work for the day, send status and go home. Cycle continues day after day.

Its been almost two years for me in that cycle!! The mood to work is gone, motivation is at an all time low, the drive is non existant and i can go on and on about this!!

Tangent...

Was reading Trainspotting and a quote from the movie came to my mind...
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

Heights of joblessness

Man i be so bored,
I wanna get into my Ford
Drive away far from here
I could see some deer.And maybe settle down with the horde!!

He lives in the deep dark woods,
Comes to the city to get his goods.
Life seems to be nice,There be no mice.
Until one day, the cat kicked him with his boots!!


Well these are limericks and are supposed to be funny!! :)
And i know that these are nowhere close to being funny.
Anyways limericks are written in the following rhymes..

A
A
B
B
A

As are the longer lines and Bs are the shorter lines!!
Here's how a real limerick looks like,

There was once a lady in Niger
Who went for a ride on a Tiger
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside
And a smile on the face of the tiger...

What if.. What is...

Two roads diverged in the yellow wood,
and I took the one less traveled by.
and that has made all the difference.

"Thats it for the day the teacher says. Ponder over the poem and we shall discuss it in the next class."
Another boring day in class, another day of listening to junk..
"Hey how did you like the poem? And what do u think it means? " asks my friend.
I look at him with an eye of amazement. He actually thinks I listened in class. And worse, pondered on it!!
"I dont know man. I think it was something about life and the usual crap found in most poems."

I try running away from there as fast as I could. I had to get out of there.
School was over and it was my time now.
I sit on my bike and just pedal away. away from the place I so hate.
Away from the place I spend most of my time in.

Life's so full of ironies. Most of the things we do, places we go to, are what we hate the most.
I pedal furiously.
Is it all a big joke? A big movie? Are we all just floating around?
I feel the air rushing past me. I've never been this far away.

Why do most people do what they don't like? Is doing what u love so hard?

I see the birds flying high in the sky.
I can see the sun setting in the horizon.
I can hear the wind.
I can feel the air around me...

Why do people live to please others? Its always about them. Its never about I!
Soon i'm away from it all. Soon I lose track of time.
Dont they know thats not possible.
I reach the top of the cliff. I can see that i'm very high up. I walk to the edge.

Spread my hands, close my eyes..
Images flash in my head.
Choices are all around me.
Hypocrisy behind me.
My life in front of me.

Two roads diverged in the yellow wood,
and I took the one less traveled by.
and that has made all the difference.

Next day in class..

"Does anybody know what the poet is trying to convey?" asks the teacher.
He looks around.
I raise my hand.
I speak out.

"What I am,
The Choices I make,
The Roads I take.
What I want to be,
The Choices I didn't make,
The Roads i didn't take."

I take my bike. I pedal away to the place I was yesterday.
I stand at the cliff.
I look down.
Choices i didnt make...

I close my eyes.

Making a difference.....

You are standing in a bus stop waiting for your bus to come. There are quite a few people waiting with you. And here a small child begging is a common sight. You see one such girl begging from a group of children. The children continuously taunt that small girl. They tease her. Wave money in her face and run away from her when she comes near them. And all this while they’re laughing and teasing that small child. And unfortunately nobody seems to be helping that small child. People there drive away that small child. And when all this is going on, you are standing there watching the whole thing. What would you do? Would you tell those children teasing that child something? Or would you think that someone else will probably do something about it? Or will you just give something to that child and just tell her to go away? Will you take a stand there at that moment?


People sometime give food to the less privileged people in temples. And this can get messy sometimes. The kids there never get a decent meal a day. And when someone comes with food they start fighting. They guy who comes to give them food has good intentions but because of the children, he gets angry and just gives the food packets to one child and goes away. And in most cases all the children don’t get it. Only the stronger kids end up with it. And you are there watching all this. What will you do? Will you take a stand or will you remain a silent spectator? Will you help that person distributing the food? Or maybe organize the kids into a line or something and see to it that each one of them gets a packet?


All of us travel by bus almost everyday. And we know how crowded the buses can be here in Mysore. Getting a seat is like the best thing that can happen in a crowded bus. You see an old person board a bus. You want to give him your seat but at the same time you want to sit as it’s a long way to our campus. You hope that that person gets down soon or maybe even better somebody else offers that person his/her seat. Would you get up and give him your seat knowing that you might have to stand the rest of the ride to campus? Would you take a stand? Or will you think that its not so important anyways?


All these things happen almost everyday in our lives. And believe it or not I was faced with these three scenarios on Saturday afternoon. I took a stand and well I regretted my stand later for a few of them. But I guess that’s not important now. And in most cases whatever we do, goes unnoticed. This is another thing that stops us from doing something good. We are afraid that we might not get any gratitude for our actions. That our actions will go unnoticed. Is this important? Isn’t the act itself more important than the fruits we might or might not get afterwards?

Just ponder on these. And think of all the times when we’ve just been a silent spectator. Regretting later for our actions. Thinking that maybe we should’ve done something. Well I guess its time we stopped being a silent spectator. Its time we took our stand. Its time we made a difference! There are a lot of bad things happening around us. Less and less people are caring for the world around them. Let’s soften this world of ours. Lets touch somebody’s life today, everyday! It might not be much, but every small act helps. Lets not be put off by the attitude of others. Lets all make a difference!!